Have you had sleepless nights thinking of your ex?  Have you been depressed over your failed relationship?

It happened to me in my teenage years when I broke up with my first love… or you can say, he dumped me.  I was totally confused, angry, suspicious… and I had the lowest esteem that anyone could ever have.  I looked terrible; I felt terrible and a TOTAL FAILURE.

Then, one day, I started my heartbreak diary. Try it… it works.

You may have kept a diary for things like the loss of a pet or a family member, sadness at moving away from your friends, or any number of sad life events.

One night, just couldn’t sleep thinking about it… I started my heartbreak diary.  I wrote a dear diary entry and slept that night.

Whenever you feel that feeling coming, whip up that diary and just share that feeling or story… If you are into poems, just pen them out.

Keeping a heartbreak diary helps… HEAPS.  It is an excellent medium for self-expression.  Don’t care about wrong grammar. Just write down your feelings, just like when you talk, even if it is as hard as that may be.  Just write about what matters to you, how you feel and what is going on INSIDE.

So, whenever, I something happened or I thought it happened; something mean towards me, etc, I will start an entry in my heartbreak diary.  I kept it SECRET.  Yes, you don’t want anyone to read it… not until you are ready to reveal it… (definitely not for your baby brother to digest).  For me, not even my Mom or Dad.  No one at all.  Probably only GOD.

A heart break is hard to experience.  Start your heartbreak diary today.  I can assure you that it will make you feel better and possibly help you heal from the pain of a break-up.

An important early step in getting over a break-up or any sad situation is simply facing the pain.  While it might feel better to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation, you can’t really move past it without facing it and feeling the pain, at least for a while.  So facing up to whatever painful situation is happening is necessary.  A heartbreak diary can help you deal with those painful feelings when you have split with someone you love and face with love’s disappointments.

I didn’t realize that this heartbreak diary really helps.  It just got all my hurts out.  Although, at times, the hurts keep coming back, I wrote it down and indirectly, I faced up to it and manage to let those hurts go and out of my system.

Writing your heartbreak diary could well, probably be a very emotional time for you.  Don’t try to stop it.  Just let the pain out and you’ll be better able to move on.

You know what, I eventually got over my love.  I realized he was not wanting me as much as I wanted him.  And, boy, the feelings in my diary was… unmentionable.  At times, hate seems to be everywhere.  I should say; Love and Hate… both of these feelings are so close together.

Eventually, after a couple of years, I had a chance to re-read my diary again.  I had stopped writing in my heartbreak diary.  I could have shared it with my now husband of mine… but, decided against it… my husband would probably not understand the intense emotions of a break-up and love/hate experience that I went through and he probably would have misunderstood my feelings for my ex.

And then… one day, sometime later… I burned that diary.  And, I never looked back.  Life goes on.  And, I was a happy person.  I should say, I loved that diary because it saved my life.  God saved my life.  You can have that too.

Some people put their heartbroken thoughts and even poems online.  There are websites designed just for such things.  You can upload your poetry for free and let other people know if you want to receive criticism or not.  You might opt to not receive comments on your heartbroken thoughts and poems and just enjoy the fact that you’ve shared your experience.

Do let me know what you think about this article.

Take care and God Bless!
Shawna

Technorati Tags: heartbroken diary, heartbroken poems, how to mend a broken heart, love and hate

We are always learning how to love and be loved by our loved ones.  As we learn, we make mistakes along the way.  Can a woman attract a great man or ‘better quality’ man for herself?  How can she learn how to fan the flames of romance, affection and more love from her man without being overnuturing?

What is Overnurturing?

It’s doing too much in a relationship. Giving too much. It’s the reverse of how a relationship works best for a woman.

- Giving is what men are supposed to do.
- Women are supposed to receive the love, affection and gifts that men give, and then give love and affection back to them.

Though many of us have caught onto this… when our relationships sometimes get into some trouble, it’s challenging resist overnurturing, when we face the fear of a relationship fallout.  So I’m going to tackle one little issue – Nurturing.

Nurturing is masculine.

If you want to get what he wants to give, stop nurturing your man. It is different from nurturing a baby… and mind, you should not be nurturing your man like a baby or a child!!

Radical as this sounds, try it.

- Stop doing.
- Stop giving.
- Stop massaging your husband’s feelings.
- Stop helping your date do the relationship thing and let him flounder until he figures it out. He will.

This whole concept of nurturing is a dilemma for most of us. We think of mothering, nurturing, caring for our young as a feminine aspect of ourselves.  It isn’t.  Period.

Nurturing and caring for others may be a female trait – Motherhood is female – but it’s still about action! Nurturing is about doing. Giving. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a masculine energy place.

We are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we get confused. We think being loving to our men is nurturing them. Massaging their bodies, minds and spirits. There is nothing wrong with the idea of nurturing – it’s the form our nurturing takes that causes so much difficulty. We are all composed of masculine and feminine (yin and yang) energies. We move through them fluidly at our best, and are stuck in one or the other at our worst.

But most of us are stuck at one extreme or the other. We either give too much all the time and then find ourselves resentful all the time, or we go the other way and make ourselves emotionally unavailable to our dates, our husbands, our boyfriends, and every man we meet.

Too often, our nurturing energies are perceived by men as mothering. Our actions seem intrusive. We seem to be judging them and finding them coming up short – otherwise why would they need taking care of? On the other hand, they love attention. Don’t we all?

Take it from me… Let the Men do the LOVING.  Let the Women do the RESPECTING, ADMIRING and LOVE BACK (if you have indeed receive his love)

We need to strike a balance

To strike some sort of balance when we are all so mightily out of balance, I’m asking you to pull back to zero. To at least imagine pulling back to zero. The baby steps you actually take may seem huge.

When you stop doing for your man what he doesn’t need you to do, yet has grown accustomed to your doing, may resent your not doing, and will certainly find himself relieved that you’ve stopped doing, things may get messy before they get better. But they will get better.

This is all about Overfunctioning.

What does Overfunctioning and Overnurturing look like?

You come to the door the moment he gets home and ask him how his day went.

- You offer to massage his neck, his feet, his back because he looks so tired (even though you’re just as tired.) Or you give your date directions to your house before he asks.
- And you invite him in and offer him something to eat or drink without even knowing what he has in mind for the evening.
- You offer to cook him a meal when he’s barely taken you out to a decent restaurant.
- You offer sex to your husband, without being asked, and even if you’re not in the mood, because you figure you should.
- You ask him how he feels, and demonstrate concern for his feelings and moods.

This sounds nurturing, but it’s not. It’s mothering. Nurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you don’t want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if it’s damaging to you or his relationship with you – this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.

And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when it’s happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy.

Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy – on his end of it.

This is feminine energy – the expression of honest-to-goodness feelings. All the caretaking and fixing and doing and massaging and concern is masculine energy in action, and it will get you nowhere near what you want.

Try it the feminine way.

Stop nurturing a grown-up man, and start expressing your feelings moment by moment. The first time is scary – but then, you’ll see – you’ll wonder how you ever loved any other way.

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Technorati Tags: dating advice, love, overnurturing, relationship advice, romance, save marriage, save relationship