We are always learning how to love and be loved by our loved ones.  As we learn, we make mistakes along the way.  Can a woman attract a great man or ‘better quality’ man for herself?  How can she learn how to fan the flames of romance, affection and more love from her man without being overnuturing?

What is Overnurturing?

It’s doing too much in a relationship. Giving too much. It’s the reverse of how a relationship works best for a woman.

- Giving is what men are supposed to do.
- Women are supposed to receive the love, affection and gifts that men give, and then give love and affection back to them.

Though many of us have caught onto this… when our relationships sometimes get into some trouble, it’s challenging resist overnurturing, when we face the fear of a relationship fallout.  So I’m going to tackle one little issue – Nurturing.

Nurturing is masculine.

If you want to get what he wants to give, stop nurturing your man. It is different from nurturing a baby… and mind, you should not be nurturing your man like a baby or a child!!

Radical as this sounds, try it.

- Stop doing.
- Stop giving.
- Stop massaging your husband’s feelings.
- Stop helping your date do the relationship thing and let him flounder until he figures it out. He will.

This whole concept of nurturing is a dilemma for most of us. We think of mothering, nurturing, caring for our young as a feminine aspect of ourselves.  It isn’t.  Period.

Nurturing and caring for others may be a female trait – Motherhood is female – but it’s still about action! Nurturing is about doing. Giving. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a masculine energy place.

We are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we get confused. We think being loving to our men is nurturing them. Massaging their bodies, minds and spirits. There is nothing wrong with the idea of nurturing – it’s the form our nurturing takes that causes so much difficulty. We are all composed of masculine and feminine (yin and yang) energies. We move through them fluidly at our best, and are stuck in one or the other at our worst.

But most of us are stuck at one extreme or the other. We either give too much all the time and then find ourselves resentful all the time, or we go the other way and make ourselves emotionally unavailable to our dates, our husbands, our boyfriends, and every man we meet.

Too often, our nurturing energies are perceived by men as mothering. Our actions seem intrusive. We seem to be judging them and finding them coming up short – otherwise why would they need taking care of? On the other hand, they love attention. Don’t we all?

Take it from me… Let the Men do the LOVING.  Let the Women do the RESPECTING, ADMIRING and LOVE BACK (if you have indeed receive his love)

We need to strike a balance

To strike some sort of balance when we are all so mightily out of balance, I’m asking you to pull back to zero. To at least imagine pulling back to zero. The baby steps you actually take may seem huge.

When you stop doing for your man what he doesn’t need you to do, yet has grown accustomed to your doing, may resent your not doing, and will certainly find himself relieved that you’ve stopped doing, things may get messy before they get better. But they will get better.

This is all about Overfunctioning.

What does Overfunctioning and Overnurturing look like?

You come to the door the moment he gets home and ask him how his day went.

- You offer to massage his neck, his feet, his back because he looks so tired (even though you’re just as tired.) Or you give your date directions to your house before he asks.
- And you invite him in and offer him something to eat or drink without even knowing what he has in mind for the evening.
- You offer to cook him a meal when he’s barely taken you out to a decent restaurant.
- You offer sex to your husband, without being asked, and even if you’re not in the mood, because you figure you should.
- You ask him how he feels, and demonstrate concern for his feelings and moods.

This sounds nurturing, but it’s not. It’s mothering. Nurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you don’t want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if it’s damaging to you or his relationship with you – this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.

And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when it’s happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy.

Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy – on his end of it.

This is feminine energy – the expression of honest-to-goodness feelings. All the caretaking and fixing and doing and massaging and concern is masculine energy in action, and it will get you nowhere near what you want.

Try it the feminine way.

Stop nurturing a grown-up man, and start expressing your feelings moment by moment. The first time is scary – but then, you’ll see – you’ll wonder how you ever loved any other way.

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Technorati Tags: dating advice, love, overnurturing, relationship advice, romance, save marriage, save relationship

Hi hopeful, is your ex seeing another guy but you are still in love with her?  And, you are desperately finding ways to tell your ex that her new guy is no good for her.  How will you ever be able to do just that?

You might say, “I’m still in love, but my ex isn’t.” This is a difficult situation.

First of all, you do not really need to know that your ex is not still in love with you.  Your ex may claim to not love you anymore, and that is possible.  But, it is still possible that he or she still harbors feelings for you.  Many couples may still be deeply in love even after a break up possibly for other reasons.

So, why is she seeing another guy?  Well, the answer is simple.  You have broken up… and for a reason.  Even if you didn’t want to break up and the break off was entirely your ex’s doing, really think hard about things.  I know you still care about your ex; about his or her well-being, but she doesn’t need to report to you now, since you both broke up.  If you think hard enough, you would recall why you broke up and you will know the break up may be for the better… for now.

I’m not saying that there is no hope of getting back together again.  No, it just that at this time, it could be better… for now.

Are you still in love with your ex?  If so, there is a good chance that your ex might still be in love with you.  But, it does not necessarily mean it is a good idea to try to get back together now.  With time you will either see that you STILL love enough to want her back or see that the break up might even be good for you.

Take some time for yourself.  If the break up is mutual, now may be a very hard time for you because you still feel “I’m still in love with my ex” or “she should be with me”.  Could you take this time now… to love your ex from afar and work through the sadness rather than try to rekindle the romance?

“I’m still in love; my ex even wants to get back together.”  While this might make you feel very hopeful that the two of you might be able to work things out and live happily ever after, don’t be fooled into thinking that it will be easy.  The reasons you broke up are still there.  If you get back together, what will change?  Will your relationship go along well for a while because you’re both so happy to be back together or go back to the usual dissatisfaction later?

Do you have a 2nd Chance with your ex?

If you broke up thinking, I’m still in love my ex, and he or she thought the same… there is a high chance to get back your ex back and get back together. But, there is a worry here is that after you go through a period where both of you felt you saved the relationship, the feel good period will wear off eventually, and reality sets in where your differences start to rub to strain the relationship again.

Then what will you do?

My sincere advice then for you both is to seek counseling.  Couples counseling is a good option to help both of you to prevent the problems that caused you to break up in the first place from coming back and making you want to part ways again.

If you think, “I’m still in love my ex and want him or her back,” then consider counseling to keep old problems from splitting you up again later.

If you feel you need that further guidance, I would recommend you browse through some of the recommended guides like this on:

2nd Chance – How To Win Back The Love Of Your Ex!

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Technorati Tags: 2nd chance after breakup, still in love with ex

Ok.  Let’s assume that you are perfectly lovable and you love your ex very much.  But, you can’t just second-guess yourself expect to give your ex a third and fourth chance in the relationship when he comes crawling back to you.  When do you really know that your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is not worth it?  What are the warning signs, that you must pay attention to and if you find them, just shake off the dust off your ex and move on?

Warning Sign #1: Abuse

Run for your life if you find that you are dealing with psychological abuse, especially if you think it’s deliberate and not just the result of ignorance or insensitivity. Forget about your ex if he or she gives you constant criticism, guilt trips, bullying, double messages or even teasing.  If you are always preparing for a defense, waiting for an attack, it can be very exhausting emotionally and will affect your self-esteem big time.

We become susceptible to depression, sleeplessness and irritability.  If your ex makes you feel helpless or hopeless of your future all the time, just leave him… give him up.

Run even faster if your ex had been abusive physically.  Don’t think it is your fault.  One in every three women is assaulted by her partner. Two of every three women who are physically abused after marriage had been abused while they were still dating.

Remember if you experience verbal put-downs followed by condescending and annoyed insults; which leads to threats of physical violence, you ex is NOT WORTH IT.  Leave now.

Don’t let yourself believe that his good education or a wealthy family background makes you safe.  Us your intuition, and self-protective instincts.

Warning Sign #2: Jealousy

Forget about the old fashion jeaslousy love that you need to be jealous to be wildly in love.  But, let’s face it… LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS.  It might feel flattering at first, but great jealousy is always a great problem.

If your ex is jealous about you being with your friends, acquaintances or even family, eventually your life will start to diminish and not enhanced.  A jealous lover is an angry lover.

If you think you can make him or her secure enough that your partner’s jealousy will subside, think again.  Extreme jealousy, makes the other partner feel insecure, and it’s lethal for love.

Warning Sign #3: Unfaithfulness

Forget about your ex if he or she had been unfaithful to you.  In fact, think twice if he is being unfaithful to someone else when he was with you, or if he was unfaifhful to his previous partner – even if she forgave him!  You may forgive… but you may never forget.

Stop blaming yourself if he cheated.  It’s not you, it’s definitely him.  The number one reason that faithful men do not cheat isn’t because it is greater love, but it is greater commitment and it is because “they promised”.

Ninety percent of American men say they believe affairs “are always or almost always wrong.”  Yet one in four do it anyway.  Look for one of the other three!

Warning Sign #4: Liars

If your ex lies to you, just forget about him or her.  Sometimes it’s white lies to make others feel good (ie. thanks I love the sweater) or to make you feel good (ie. I’m a sensitive kind of guy).

If he tells big lies to get himself out of trouble or to manipulate… you have to be very careful.  Habitual liars typically know right from wrong – but they do not particularly care.

Learn how to spot liars… it’s not easy.  Be alert and if you feel that you partner seems to good to be true, probably he is.

Warning Sign #5: (Perpetually) Unemployed or needy

If your ex is a bump and gets fired from his job again and again.  It’s not about the money… but it’s about playing well with others.  Probably he is having some bad luck.  Of course, but could he be unappreciated time and again.  And, most of the time, he’s probably depressed, low in self-esteem and full of anger.  I guess you could stick with him but you don’t really need a needy person you know.

What I’m saying here is if you know your ex is needing help, money, support, encouragement ALL THE TIME, he or she is sucking your life away.  He is too self-centered to be in a relationship in the first place.  So… say your goodbyes and run.

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These are the signs which when you see them, do remember what you have read here… No need to cry for your ex back.  He or she is not worth it if they fall in any of these categories.

This article was brought to you by Just Get My Ex Back If you like what you read, sign up for my RSS feed by clicking on this link here: Subscribe to Just Get My Ex Back by Email or download your FREE ebook here: Download Personality Quadrants Dating Guide Now

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Have you ever been told that you are attractive, funny, or smart, but… You’re not the kind of woman that he’s looking for? Perhaps you’ve dated a guy for a while and when it came to discussing ‘the relationship’ or ‘commitment’, things went downhill until it was over? Mirabelle Summers teaches you how to attract not just any man, but the RIGHT man in this 230-page ebook, chock-full with pages of tips, techniques, and empowering mindsets that are going to enable you to be not only your authentic self, but also your best self around men you are attracted to. Discover the 3 Deadliest Myths about dating, 7 practical and powerful secrets to commitment, the Rule of Three, and much more on your path to irresistibility!

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Technorati Tags: abusive relationship, jealousy is not love, liars, needy person, unfaithfulness, warning signs in relationship

What is the Real Thing?  What is Real Love all about…?  Listen to the songs, poems, stories and love letters written by others in love.  Your experience may feel unique, but the love experience is really so universal that it is so recognizable:

Love makes you feel strong, generous, and confident – and devoted to the man who brings out those feelings.

Love makes you feel connected to him – body to body, mind to mind, and soul to soul.

Love makes you feel beautiful – inside and out.

Love makes you feel loving.

The capacity to love is inborn in us.  It’s part of our human nature.  We can choose to give it, or not.  We can let it grow, or not.  It’s ours.  If one romance doesn’t work, we can give our love again.  It’s ours.

If you’ve never felt real love, let me assure you that you will know it when you feel it.

And even though I’m saying that we should settle for no less than falling wildly in love, I’m not suggesting that we are, or should be, hopeless romantics.  Just the opposite.  Sure, women read more romantic novels than men.  But, in fact, women are not infatuated more easily or more often than men but women are breathtakingly practical.

Question: If a man or woman had all the qualities you desired, would you marry this person if you were not in love with her or him?

Answer: It is found that 65% of men said they wouldn’t marry if they were not “in love”, but 76% of the women said they would marry the person.

Women didn’t have to be “in love” with a guy to marry him – they just had to find him lovable.  Nonetheless, women are not wrong in believing that their infatuations are more intense than those of men.  Infatuation is always and only a stage of feeling, not a final state. Women sometimes sadly, sometimes happily, recognize that this is so… but not until it’s over.

So, how do I find real love?

Find one lovable person who finds you lovable in return.  It’s a numbers game.  It’s about timing.  It’s about self-respect and zero tolerence for anyone who doesn’t treat you with respect.  It’s about knowing when it’s not you, and then what to do.  It’s about recognizing when to have fun and when to run, when to meet him halfway and when to say “no way.”  it’s about no self-blame and no man-made pain.

After you have found Mr. Imperfect but perfectly Lovable, love him.  Love him because loving feels so good, and it’s so good for you.  It’s a natural human capacity, and the more you use it, the more it will grow.  If it isn’t appreciated and reciprocated, find someone who will love your love. And while you are looking, don’t deprive yourself of the joy of loving.  make a list of your loved ones, and make sure that you’re on that list, too.

Technorati Tags: feelings of love, Real Love, self-respect