My friend of 20 years just got a divorce just last month. It’s sad but they were best buddies of 15 years but decided to throw in the towel. It was just messy having 4 kids; 2 teenage girls and 2 teenage boys. Could they have saved the marriage? Was there something missing in their marriage that they would resort to a divorce? How can one save the marriage before it is too late?

In every relationship be it with your spouse, fiance, whether you are just starting out as boyfriend and girlfriend, steady or going to be newly weds, to have a healthy relationship, we need to continually learn about ourselves and how to interact with others.

When we are in a relationship, believe or not, success or failure of the relationship has the greatest impact on our adult life.

In looking at marriage, there are a number of key skills that are crucial to navigating our way through marriage:

There will always be couples who live in apparent wedded bliss, and those that will tell you that they never fight or disagree. That simply isn’t true. As each of us grow and evolve, one of the exciting things about marriages is the way we interact and negotiate our way around issues when we look at things from different perspectives. Those who tell you they have never been challenged in this way have never really lived. But what determines whether this challenge is a positive or negative experience for your marriage is how both of you choose to react to your differences and work around them.

When faced with a disagreement there are a range of choices. The first is to back down, allowing the other to make their point and express it. Another is to challenge their point and ascertain whether it is correct. Another choice is to discuss both options and see if there is room for flexibility. Are both of you correct, or is one of you incorrect in your viewpoint? How much is one person’s viewpoint inhibiting the beliefs, values, or morals of the other?

The most important point here however, is introspection. Evaluate your actions and reactions.

* What lesson am I being called to learn in this conflict?
* What can I learn about my partner and myself?
* What can I learn in order to address this issue and move forward?

The key is to understand the issues and to find small ways to move forward.

You can call them goals. Make them achievable, and make them measurable. How often are you coming back and seeing if you have reached your goals? Are you making progress or are you at a stalemate?

The important thing to realize is that you are always learning, and finding new ways of understanding and loving each other as well as yourselves. Think of your marriage issues as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

In marriage we are called into a constant evolution, a journey of loving. The challenge to all marriages, good and bad, is to find new ways of loving each other. If you have been married one year, ten years or forty years, the challenge is still the same. Grow in love together.

What can you learn from your partner and your marriage today? What do you know today that you didn’t know yesterday. The secret is to never stop learning. And when you do stop learning, that’s where we can help.

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